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Vault101s guide to writing awsome storys!

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so I notice there are alot of "writers" on the escapist, so I thourght it might be apropriate to share some of my valuable wisdom/knowelege on the topic

I've watched/read/played a whole bunch of books,comics/movies/games so I'd say I'm pretty much as expert now

1.Romance
romance is exciting! its awsome! it happens all the time...take two lumps of meat with differing chromozomes and mash them together you get romance! its especially effective if those two lumps of meat don't particually care for each other and also if they are in an intense situation (like running away from the butcher) life or death survival situations are where romance flourishes!

by making the lumps of meat argue and initially hate each other you are actually laying the ground work for the fact that they LOVE each other...its only a matter of time, this process is a slow build up of tension that culminates is a wonderful climax

but what do you do once those two lumps of meat are stuck together? well then they become boring....so oyu rip them apart and do it again! the great thing is you can do this as many times as you want!

2.your protagonist
there are many aproaches you can take for your leading man (yes 99% of the time its going to be a man)

above all you must make him AWSOME, he is so awsome women love him...he has so much sex he can't keep up...in fact you could say he has so much sex and his man sword is soo big its a curse

one way to ensure he is a badass is to make him an absolute asshole, the more of a dick he is the more awsome he is, this means being very very angrey...scowling at everything and everyone..oh sexist too!

but even if your man is not the scowley angry type...he must be above all be SPECIAL...he must be chosen, must have some super duper ability gifted to him by birth that makes him awsome...this is why he's the protagonist of coarse!

3.steryotypes
coming up with charachters and making them develop and all that crap is HARD..thankfully society has taken the some of that hard work out of the equasion!

you know your sterotypes, you seem them all the time, they are a valuable tool! You make a charachter a sterotype and the audience already knows everything about that charachter! as the old saying goes that stuff practically writes itself!

4.women
women are complicated....arguably more complicated than quantam physics, trying to work thease bizare masses of emotion and perfume into your story is a tedious task at best, but unless your writing the shawshank redemption its a nessicary evil

complicated as it is just think of it like this...a man is the earth and the woman is the moon...so often a womans motivation revolves around her significant other

or if your making a "strong indepenant women" a good way to charachterise her is to use her FATHER as primary motivation, it makes a whole lot more sense then doesnt it? (but only if she doesnt have a brother) her father is ill so she goes off to fight in his palce..her father was a sodler/archeologist so thats what she did, her father raised her like a boy because he was a single parent with no son..again its a great guide

above all a strong independant women must have attitude! this relates to the "asshole" rule I pointed out on protagonists, shes mean, she's agressive and she aint scared to kick a man in the balls, that is untill she finds one that brings out her softer side...remember people, romance!

also a quick note on gay people: if a women is unfemine/unattractive she is a lesbian...lesbians can be converted! gay man are a womans personal accesory AND are all effeminiate sex hungry people with fantastic fashion sense
5.notmal people
are booooooooooooooooorrrring you don;t write storys about Ted from IT do you? of coarse not, Teds boring, and probably a loser make your charachters crazy! its a great way to drive the plot forward!

don't worry about your charachters being "realistic" realism is for losers! makem however you want! this is your story after all

6.plot
plots? pffffft plots arent as complicated as some would make out, hero encounters bad guy...they fight, hero gets beaten down, finds somthing to defeat badguy...gets girl..BAM! done

that "somthing" can be almost anything, magic!, god!, a "hidden ability!", use your imagination!

and don;t worry about endings...they arent important, if you write your story but run out of time to put on a ending its ok! the journey is more important! and along side stoping things abruptly with no explanation could be considered artistic! your audience doesnt NEED to know what happned in the end....they are just a bunch of assholes...

7.Villans
Vaillans are easy! just dress them in black

but if you want to be more subtle about it than make them a racial minority or just give them a funny accent! tapping into our subconcious fear of foregners lets your audience know who the bad guys are!

8. getting your message across
often a good story comes with a message, here are a number of commonly know facts that can be part of your message

-humans are bastards, you want your audience to hatethemselfs even more!
-the evirnment is in peril! this one ties in closley with the first
-ALL authority is bad, the governement is evil
-rebllion is hip, cool and morally in the right!
-cops/solders are disposable <-so if you have super powers spazzing out and killing them is perfectly acceptible!

I think thats it for now...if anyone has anymore writing tips I'd like to hear them


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