And no snappy comments along the lines of "Why I'm reading this thread, you dapper gentleman of fine standing!" because flattery will get you nowhere.
Personally, I'm trying to get drunk, and failing miserably. Clearly my whiskey-soaked system has become immune to the comparatively-paltry effects of vodka.
As for the why, because I'm incredibly lonely of course!
So I posit to thee, gentle Escapist;
What are you doing, right the heck NOW?